CHP SNAFU - DUI while stone cold sober

It's taken a me a few days to get up the energy to write about this, but Friday night, in a bizarre turn of events, I was falsely arrested for a DUI. I was driving up to Tahoe with Rebecca, Adi and her friend Jon and Rebecca was getting a little hungry. So I pulled off the freeway to see if we could find something to eat. We didn't see anything, so I headed down this road that I thought led back to the freeway entrance. Then up came a CHP sobriety checkpoint. Okay, big deal. The cop is waving his arm up and down, so I thought he was waving me through. But as I rolled by, he started freaking out, so I stopped. He was pissed that I hadn't stopped, took my license and wanted me out of the car and doing sobriety tests almost immediately. Of course, all my anxieties were racing and the more this went on the more nervous I got. I had always joked that I was so uncoordinated that I doubted I could even pass those tests sober, and sure enough, they were not happy with how well I was doing. I guess I did fine on some of them, and some weren't so easy. Several times the cops asked me to watch a pencil as they moved it around and checked my pulse. Then the questions started flying. How many drinks did you have tonight? When were you last drinking? When did you last smoke pot? Who's been smoking in your car? What pills did you take? If we search your car, what drugs will we find? When did last take ecstasy? We know you're on something, just be honest and tell us what you're on? Are you on any prescription medication? Are you taking any anxiety medication? Something is just not right with you.

Since I was completely sober, all I could do was be honest with them, but they weren't buying it. And while I was calm and respectful on the outside, inside I was getting more and more nervous. They did all sorts of consulting and I guess were genuinely somewhat confused. Apparently my pupils were just too dilated and my pulse was racing. But they stood by their little tests and said they were 98% accurate and were sure I had to be on some sort of drug. The kept coming back to asking me to just be honest and tell them what I was one. I knew what they were up to though. Really they were just fishing for an admission of guilt to make their conviction easier, and I wasn't about to admit to something I hadn't done just to make their life easier.

After about 30 minutes it pretty much came to standstill, I couldn't do anything to convince them I was completely sober and they weren't about to let me go. So the only option was to go for a ride and get a blood test. There was some discussion of who would get the arrest and the second cop that tested me won out. They had me turn around and I expected a casual zip tie, but they brought out the steal cuffs and put them on a tight as they'd go. Then out of the car, I saw Rebecca wave at me, so I tried to get a little pitiful wave with my hands cuffed behind my back. Luckily, they were willing to hand the car over to my friends. Later I found out they questioned my friends more too and even went as far as telling them I had admitted I took something, but just wouldn't say what it was. Really sort of slimy entrapment type stuff.

The arresting officer drove us into Placerville and pulled up to the hospital. The officer was nice enough, but he was still convinced that I just had to be on some sort of drug. It really bother me that after spending at least an hour with me and telling him that yes, I did have issues with anxiety, he still wouldn't believe that I was sober. I told him that I really hoped that he would remember this later. So I took the blood test and really expected that they'd be able to get the results right away and let me go. But uh-uh, results would take at least two weeks and in the meantime, they were going to arrest me. This was bad.

Next I was driven to the El Dorado county jail, and checked in. The processing officer asked when I had last been drinking and I said I hadn't been. He then asked why I was there, and I was hard pressed to answer. All I could say was they CHP were convince I was on drugs. The CHP guy tried to sneak out, but I wasn't about to let him go without him acknowledging me and what he was doing, so I wished him a good evening ;)

That was the last I was asked any questions. It was presumed I was guilty and dumped in cell. That was pretty scary cause I had no idea what I was getting into. Turned out the cell had some local kid who was obviously DUI. I had no idea what to do then. There was phone in the cell, but I didn't know who to call and couldn't really remember any phone numbers. So I started trying to call bail bondsman, but no one seemed very helpful. I kept trying all night, and finally someone said they'd come by to bail me out at about 4:00 am. But no one showed up and when I tried to call back, no one would accept my calls. By that point I was feeling pretty desolate and tried meditating some. Then one of the cops came by and said someone wanted to talk to me. He showed me to a visiting cell, and wow was I happy to see Rebecca, Adi and Jon. They had been looking for me all night, but had been calling the other jail. After that, it was pretty quick for them to organize a bondsperson to come out and bail me out, but that's when the time dragged the most. And finally I was free! After that, I just wanted to get some food and get up to my cabin, have some beers and get in the hot tub, and get some sleep. What a bizarre, frightening and surreal experience.

So now, I've got to go back to Placerville in March for a court date. Apparently, once the blood test results, the DA will drop the charges, but for now I'm just out on bail :(